Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
