My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Are my feet made of real feet?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
