Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
