i think my mom watched the whole time
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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