I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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