do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
