I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
