So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
