And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
