At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
