He is such a slut. More and more my type.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
