Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
