Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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