We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
