ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you would pick up someone in the library
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
