tell your sister to shave her snatch
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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