now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
