just tell him i said nine months
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
