my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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