D3 body, D1 cock
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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