why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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