Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
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