Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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