I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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