I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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