I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Will exercising make me less horny?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
