You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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