Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
