On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
