Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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