matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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