Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
