I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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