I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
