My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
