I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
