We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
