im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
