Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
