i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
