Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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