I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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