Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize