I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh god the rape fog is back!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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