at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
