Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
