I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Panties = found
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
