i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
