I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
