My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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