his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There are leaves in my underwear?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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