Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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