well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You took a bar mat shot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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