you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
