I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
