fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just want to make out with him forever
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
