Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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