a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
