jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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