he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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