Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
