I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the day after is always just damage control
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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