Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
