i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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