Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
