TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just cropdusted the office
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
