Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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