What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
