That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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