Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
