He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
