Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
