There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
