I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
