so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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