Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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