when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
