The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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