I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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