Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
