cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
