my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
